Mexican National Team – Mexico City/Various NFL Arenas
The position described here is for Federacion Mexicana de Futbol Asociacion, A.C., a loosely formed guild of power merchants (FMF). The FMF is based in Mexico with auxiliary operations in the United States. The FMF reserves to right to terminate employment and abandon potential employees in any airport terminal at any time.
High/Secondary School Diploma or equivalent
At least 2 months experience as manager of the Mexican National Team (with preference for a candidate who was removed from role amicably)
Experience working in an environment with total responsibility, accountability, and culpability and little-to-no ability to induce change.
Solid understanding of Mexican players and Mexican players exclusively.
A minimum of six Mexican professional league teams managed.
Basic skills in “pot-stirring”. The candidate should demonstrate a firm tactical approach that defies adaptation to any contradictory situations. Showing commitment to players long out of national team form is preferred. An inability to select a consistent starting goalkeeper is a plus.
Job Duties Include:
Contact European players to garner favor. May or may not include occasional groveling.
Establish a strong working relationship with various media conglomerates in order to ensure full support.
Uses this support to undermine own position by ceding managerial duties to said corporations.
Perform to a level higher than all previous employees in role under identical working conditions.
Supports the inclusion of a wide array of talent under the national team umbrella (as long as they have previously played for the national team).
Seeks to understand Bofo.
Promoting team throughout the United States with aim at filling loosely-sodded stadia.
Clears out own office upon dismissal in a timely manner.
All other duties as assigned
The FMF is an Unequal Opportunity Employer. We would much prefer if you happened to be a brother-in-law of some sort. Unpaid favors are also an acceptable basis for discrimination. The FMF reserves the right to nullify any or all of the wording in this document according to the whims of a group of angry men.
** photo is used under a creative commons license from neetalparekh